the sinner in me
2009 Resolutions
Keep studying
Be a great boyfriend, and a good son
Be more all-rounded
Stop shrinking and start growing again
Be able to answer to myself
My Second Wind
I fear stagnation and lack of progress. I fear never reaching my potential and being average. I fear being forgotten. The past. Yesterday's news. I fear giving up and being passed by, going softly into that good night. I fear letting those I love down, letting myself down. I fear settling, giving in to the "that's just the way it is" mindset. I fear dying without leaving my mark. I fear not feeling these fears anymore and just floating along. These fears feed me, they nourish my drive.
I love my fear.
mom's birthday on sunday.
the fallen saint left at 10:31 pm
i used to hate going out alone - i still do - but i find that these days i'm getting more accustomed to the absence of company. having no one to share an opinion with on the bus doesn't quite bother me anymore. at least, not as much as it used to. i know elaine is always just an sms away =)
the fallen saint left at 4:17 pm
currently addicted to the haunting melody of nokia's l'amour commercial. i could not believe my luck when i finally got my hands on the track.
the fallen saint left at 10:30 pm
some nights i want to find someone to confide in, but no one seems to be there.
the fallen saint left at 10:22 pm
i don't think anyone is going to make it big in the local entertainment scene from winning competitions like singapore idol or project superstar and what-not.
the fallen saint left at 10:02 pm confusing msn nicknames on a sunday morning are driving me crazy.
the fallen saint left at 12:12 pm yesterday was the first time since months ago that i played pool on a more serious note. the people who've known me since high school, or even the college days, will probably remember me for being infatuated with pool (amonst other things). and it comes as a surprise that i can get by months on end not opening my case, taking out the cues and joining them together for a game or practice.
the fallen saint left at 11:55 am
i think when people get through their lives, they all need something to follow. ordinary men look to role models for guidance, whilst role models set themselves principles and their personal set of rules to abide by, in order to be what they are.
the fallen saint left at 9:09 am
i came to this page, with a mind to write something.
the fallen saint left at 10:02 pm
my chest heaves,
the fallen saint left at 9:52 pm
it's good to know my friends are moving on in life, those who've been through rough times. but where does that leave me?! i seem to be forever stuck in this moment, and it doesn't quite look as though this road is ending.
the fallen saint left at 9:41 pm searching for a new cell phone, jia and i.. to no avail =(
the fallen saint left at 5:11 pm
why do i put all my effort into finishing work for someone quickly and unerringly, only to later be told that i was given the wrong instructions?
the fallen saint left at 9:33 pm
are sweet memories best kept as such, or is the risk that comes with trying to re-live them and making new ones worth the taking?
the fallen saint left at 9:32 pm it is quite queer, the saying of how one thing leads to another. ever found yourself deeply engrossed in a conversation, and abruptly, you seem to awaken from the inspired trance, wondering how on earth you ended up at this topic altogether?
the fallen saint left at 6:08 am
the girl from ydc who approached charmaine and me today.. you were so, so cute.
the fallen saint left at 10:51 pm
national service is the ONE job in which guaranteed employment is a curse.
the fallen saint left at 10:02 am
the fallen saint left at 7:00 pm
Thursday, March 30, 2006
panic
not much money to splash on a treat or expensive presents, so i'm baking instead. don't. laugh.
but i don't know what to bake for her. argh. help!
Sunday, March 26, 2006
my own
when it all began i thought i'd never get used to life like this. the initial few months were terrible; i didn't want to go out at all, i realised i was never really close to any of my friends. and gradually things picked up, bit by bit, as i couldn't take being holed up at home for very much longer. slowly but surely, even when there was no one free to go out for a drink or chill out with, i weaned myself off this dependency on companionship.
in retrospect, it was quite childish to think that people travelling alone had issues about them. often these days when i listen in on people's conversations - it's their fault they talk so loudly - i think they're the ones with issues. i discovered i don't need assurances from others; i am confident as an individual and i don't need anyone to complement me. in a way i'm back to my old self, because i used to discount the importance of friends, but this time it's different, because i can be out without friends, but they are still an integral part of my life in the big picture.
to have to help a distressed friend meant i had to be strong myself, but i think after a while we both just suffered and bitched about life together. it's all good though, we take our minds off the issues that trouble us.
never give up, never quit.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
take me over
needless to say i love their full 60seconds' long video commercial as well. absolutely brilliant.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
in the quiet
and why do i like to make things harder than they have to be?
you are cute, i cannot disagree, but really not my type; be with your teddy, you two probably have more in common.
so why don't you turn your car around
forget your way back home
because it's not me there anymore
turn your car around
you're better off alone
i'll pick myself up off the floor
so i tell you it's black
but you know that it's white
Sunday, March 19, 2006
time to bitch
let me cite examples. remember talentime from years back? who were the winners? do you even remember? it took me a while, and i recalled that this girl group called cherry chocolate candy won the overall competition, seconded by some guy called darren something. where are they now? ccc i think disbanded, and that darren chap was acting in some pathetic comedy - he wasn't even contracted to really sing.
then taufik batisah? doing stupid 7-eleven and guardian pharmacy ads. yeah, go join him on his smoke-free journey.
what did these people win competitions for? the answer is singing, but what the freaking hell are they doing right now? and the project superstar lot.. yeah, couple of them came out with albums, i hear, but they're all roped in to act in some silly show.
if you want to contract people for their talents, use those talents instead of trying to spin money by getting them to do something they aren't good at. are casting directors retards or something?
scream
ok it's technically noon now, but shhhh.
finding my way
i think the focus needs to be reset. i know i've got something in this that others don't; my friend's been training regularly but i nearly white-washed him yesterday. i hadn't lost the stroke, and my placements were satisfactory. truth be told, i was quite surprised i could even run a string of clear-outs. not a string of balls, but a string of clear-outs! and shots that i'd often missed in practice in days gone by went into the pocket without nudging the jaws.
beginner's luck, i'd suspect. maybe this will encourage me to clock more table time on weekends from now on.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
we all need it
but it begs the question of how sensible these rules are. i ask, if causing difficulties to others in the course of achieving one's goals is really worth the inconvenience to them. so often now, i've seen the power-hungry stop at nothing to get the results they want that will guarantee their rapid escalation to positions of higher command, and i can't help but wonder if the bridges burnt along the way could have been avoided altogether.
selfishness is predominant in our society, because it is human.
and if you have a firm belief that there is no way but the hard way, then you really are a fool; you are an idiot, because you lack the intelligence to see around the problem. why attack the lion head on when you know it has a weak underbelly? worse, why cage yourself to 'escape' from the lion? there is always a better solution, but because of the silly rigidity of this organisation in which we work under, you demand attention because of your supposed experience - of which quantity far outweighs quality - and we are thus condemned to foolish methodology.
we all need something to hold on to in desperate hours, but if this is what you need to believe in order to get you through troubled times, then may you never know the laughter and mockery you evoke behind your back.
i do not like appointed leaders. i've always had a problem with authority. so be it.
i respect who i deem is deserving.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
blank
but this is verbal constipation; i can't help but think of what things could be for you and me.
Monday, March 13, 2006
training brutality
heart pounds frantic-
i take in a breath,
it burns my lungs.
i scream for blood;
you're not there
Saturday, March 11, 2006
*coughs*
hmm. -ponders-
we walked and walked
the w900i was too thick; i don't care if it's 3g and has a walkman embedded, at that size it's better off as a pda. now i'm looking forward to the 6280's release. let's hope it's good.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
fed up
sometimes i feel like such a fool.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
hopeful amendments..
but it's not my choice now..
drift
the human psyche is such an enthralling and mysterious entity to attempt to comprehend..
Saturday, March 04, 2006
sigh
Thursday, March 02, 2006
national truth
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
oh my..
You're a passionate kisser 
For you, kissing is all about following your urges
If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story
You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses
A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble